Due to the uncertain times we live in, the Ministry of Magic has asked that we relay the following. “Vagina Buttercup, is famously known and identifies as a Witch & Druid of this and many other realms. She is a long time resident of a little known & much hidden place called Magpie Bottom and has spent lifetimes working with troubled Witches, Wizards, Druids and all manner of magical folk. The disclaimer here at the Gazette requires that we are open & transparent in ensuring that the reader is aware that they at all times are responsible for their own problems and dilemmas that should/might/will occur as a consequence of existing! Personal responsibility is the name of the game and at all times remains with the Witch, wizard, Druid or other magical folk of concern. Vagina Buttercup is here to support & provide the most excellent guidance and advice. T & C’s apply please remember to always ask permission from your responsible magical adult as we do not condone the use of rose tinted specs when reading or submitting anything for our attention!
Thank you for your understanding.”
“Hello and welcome back to this edition of ‘Precious Pixie Corner. As previously shared with you all, I am Vagina Buttercup and I am thrilled and delighted to have been invited to be the Gazettes Magical Agony Aunt...Such an honour... Lets get straight to it... As I always say a Problem shared is a problem halved...
This month’s question has been bravely submitted by ‘BW’. It’s a heart wrenching one that sadly is all too familiar to those of us who know what it means to walk to our own drum beat. So let’s see if we can help, here is her question....“
“Dear Vagina Buttercup,
I have small problem. As a BoneWitch and collector of all things deceased, I’m finding that people are somewhat nervous of me. I think they’re scared that I am sizing them up for my next skull-on-a-stick project. I’ve tried reassuring them with a friendly smile but that seems to make things worse (I think it’s the fangs). How can I make friends more easily and not scare folk into thinking I’m going to peel them?
BWx
My dearest BW...
Goodness me this is a sad case is it not, I sympathise whole-heartedly about how difficult it can be these days, especially if you are a dedicated practitioner of what I like to call one of the... ‘Heritage Crafts’! As a consequence you have chosen a lonely, withering and shrivelling path my dear, not to mention smelly.
It never used to be so of course, dedicated temple space, incense, offerings and reverence was once the expectation of someone in your profession. Ahhh, the good old days, but for the most part those days are now well and truly gone..... Well for the time being!
It is a fact of life, is it not, that people can sadly be so judgmental and if I might say, terribly shallow. It cannot be denied that your craft is terribly misunderstood and the fear experienced by others is definitely, in my opinion exaggerated, if not completely unfounded. But don’t lose heart (unless it’s already in a pickling jar) or give up hope just yet...
You mentioned your smile not conforming to the prescribed social norms. I understand fangs are considered as being so last century re the fashionarty of our community, but for the love of all things sparkly, we are NOT muggles here! So I say wear your fangs with pride, they are a natural part of who you are. Having an ugly and frightful smile is a surface issue and does not necessarily make you a horrible or unlovable person. It doesn’t help, I accept, but I always find that a sense of humour helps enormously.
Perhaps a visit to a good dentist, clean those fangs up, remove any old trapped food from them and then I am sure, given time, you will be able to smile with more confidence.
If others have a problem with your looks, that says more about them, than you. However, and only if it helps, try a wide brimmed hat that puts your face in shade and if that fails a highly decorated bag that fits over all of your head (ensuring you have cut the appropriate holes so that you can see and breathe). I mean to say at this point, I would say anything is worth a try don’t you think? Of course you could decide to only come out in public during the dark of the Moon. That at least might ensure that you are not lit by any form of light, giving the people with whom you are trying to get acquainted a chance to get to know you first.
So there you have it, my dear, don’t give up on friendship and or Love. Get out there and expose your fangstastic smile, be loud and proud. Join a club and learn to love yourself before expecting anyone else to. Hang your bones in pride of place as an expression of who you are, make sure to wash the blood and guts off , smudge and Febreze the begebees out of yourself and I don’t think you will go far wrong.”
So there you have it, thank you all for joining me as together we have traversed BWs problem shared moment. As always please do feel free to email me at spiritofawen@btinternet.com with all or any of your questions, queries, and magical problems. I will look forward to hearing from you. Make sure you mark your email FAO V.Buttercup, Precious Pixie corner... Until next Month.
Until next Month
Seasonal Blessings